A Penny for My Thoughts

Here is an example of an awesome 2011 :) 

 I'll go running and work out and shed all my extra pounds. I think if I am consistent I can actually look great in 4-6 months. Once I get in shape I am generally an active person with fits of laziness from time to time. Then I'll be able to put on all kinds of nice clothes that are kept away in my closet and all the nice clothes that I'm not buying now. 

 I might actually consider getting a boob job and go running with a cleavage like this, hmmm.

Let me get cheesy and pathetic now. I like how Heidi and Seal click together. They're both amazing, so glowing, full of life. It's getting rare to see a genuinely happy couple and I think they are one of them.  I really like seeing happiness. This kind of friendship and love or call it what you like is a thing I've been wanting since I've realized what it is that I want - but never think I would get. Except in this version of 2011 hahaha.

 In an interview Seal said she is his best friend. Wow, what a man, no wonder Heidi chose him.

Kristin Kreuk. I think she has natural beauty, and I would definitely like to glow like her in 2011. I also like the hair. Another proof that mixing races is in no way a bad thing :)

Other things that could make up a nice fairy tale are:

 Travel

                     Money 

Singing in a band would be nice 

Definitely more time with my friends and family, that's what makes me really happy! 

Seems like I have no more inspiration for this article :) 

Do you have that feeling that there might be something sad in you, something deep inside (what a cliche), but you can't reach it? I can cry over a retarded flat tire but I can't cry when I feel like it. And then there is that positive, glowing, smiley, you, that everybody knows but at the moment - died a little.

I blame it on days like 1st Jan, 2nd Jan... Abolish the first week of a new year! It's a matter of inertia, you do nothing and you eat - a vicious circle, indeed! I was invited to a names day party today, I wish I had turned my phone off. But I'm grateful that my friend completely understands me and said it's OK... She called off coming over a few times because she felt miserable. That was kind of more serious state. The only thing that I amuse myself with is irony, sarcasm, and a sense of humor that makes everything so easier.

I think in psychology that state is called apathy with having a sense of humor; apathy cannot devour that.  

Anyway, I thought it would be fun and well, sad, hah, to analyze the previous year and according to that make a forecast about the next one. Go ahead and judge anything you like, I have no shame now.

-Nothing will get better, which is good, because I hope nothing can get worse comparing to 2010.

2010 started off with a death in the family. It struck me. I hadn't seen my uncle for a while, but he was one of the uncles that played jokes when we were little and he made good wine. He was a strong tall man, until I saw him in December last year. He looked like a helpless child, couldn't speak much. And he cried. And so did I. I guess the stupid sad thing deep inside I talked about is the bar of chocolate I ate yesterday; it's not even sad! Perhaps I'm just whining and being childish and selfish. He died on 31st Dec, it was terribly cold. (Which makes me think I'd rather get cremated!) I felt as if I had been on drugs, I cried myself out. I felt life was short, trite and sarcastic. I didn't care what I do, whether it would matter tomorrow, or whether I'd even be there tomorrow. I probably hurt feelings of some stupid and annoying ppl, my deepest apologies... I drank it all away and it worked, I moved on, life was great.

 - I hope there will be no more car accidents, dogs that eat my coursebooks and homework (virtually), locking myself out (metaphorically too), losing valuable things.

 -Speaking of valuable things, let me make this as simple as I can, I will not fall in love. I might have two or three crushes that will end up in disaster or in silence. From my experience I can't think of any other reasons than a) they don't like me back, which is a rare thing, mind you  b) they have a crush on somebody else (which I hadn't been aware of before I was falling in uhm crush) c) they think they're fat and ugly d) their idea of having a girlfriend is sleeping around with as many other females as they can e) I just cool off because I realize I had a crush on an imaginary character, I don't let myself go too far once I get the slightest burn, which I think is kind of natural and classy, after all, men are the one that should make an effort not the ladies 

-There will be men that will have a crush on me, or perhaps even fall in love, but I'll like them as friends and I'll feel extremely sorry for not liking them in a different way, because I will like the things they say and do for me, too bad :/

- I will not apply for any external studies, I will not save money, I will not lose weight and I will not become a vegetarian, I will continue drinking and smoking socially and feel bad because of the latter 

 -This year ended with a serious heart attack in the family, fortunately that heart is big enough to fight through and glow with such immense innocent and childlike love towards the whole world, I just admire how it can still do that after 85 years, perhaps because it believes in God?? I just think my grandpa took whatever life gave him and didn't *ask* for anything more. He is just satisfied.

Other things just pop from time to time but don't inspire me, they just pop and prolong the silence. And the one thing that popped now is Johnny Cash with a sad sad song, this being a very dark prediction of what may come... It's not a forecast, oh no, just a game, in a few days I'll get back to my good old track and I'll be able to write the best prediction of 2011 ever! The outcome will probably be somewhere in between, not sad, not happy, just apathetic :D

 P.S. Now that I read this blog, I just realize it's so not me, sadness isn't my thing :) But it's done now, whining makes you feel better sometimes, and I think it's fun! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXaowQhYQ7s 

Once in a while one of my best friends, Andrea (remember that name), now living in Portugal, comes to the city and we have fun. We make dinners, go for dinners and drinks. Sometimes go to a casino, with Masha (remember that name) and play roulette for max. 20e and just sip a drink and talk about what's going on in life, in our hometown, with the people we know from childhood. We often go to the movies to watch some ostensibly good movie which turns out to be more or less a total crap. Towards the end of the movie we make up the worst possible predictive endings, that actually happen at the end, hah. Last time we watched Eat, Love and Pray. A woman in her mid life crisis, questing for happiness and stuff, going to Bali and India and Italy... Just to learn that she had to eat, enjoy the food, pray (well, she learned to meditate, I guess the movie was a point of debate in Vatican) and love. 

 Is it reaaally so cheesy-easy?! As she was 'praying' and stuffing herself in Bali she met Javier Bardem, a divorcee, handsome (if you ask 90% of women), sensitive, caring, loving, heartbroken, he even cried! of course running a huge business... he fell in love with her and she fell in love with him, but AH, the drama, she was running away from her feelings, and afraid of falling in love and ahh, like they wasted 30min of the film and our time, we could've been at the casino. Well, finally, she came back and got wrapped in his arms and tralala 

I was like ''What's the morale here?'' and my funny friend Andrea said ''We need to eat more!'' And that's what happened, thank you very much Julia Skinny Roberts! 

That movie is (ok this is a bit of an overstatement) deception, cheap Pulp fiction, that Javier Bardem could've had broken his leg while skiing in Switzerland the week before and stayed in hospital and cried there. Because a broken leg hurts too, I'm sure he'd find something to cry over. And she would keep stuffing herself and get really fat, now that's more like a credible ending :D

The morale of the night in the movies, in my opinion is, stop questing, stop eating (emotionally :) ) and stop thinking or meditating too much. THAT'S what makes me unhappy very often. (However, if you are alone every night with your thoughts what else can you do? You can't drink it away all the time:) ) 

Well, that's what I'd love to do in 2011 anyway.

 The only good thing that came out of this movie is Johnny Cash (I think it was Neil Diamond's version) who perfectly fit in a scene I don't remember now. This beautiful song kept echoing in my mind... Love you Johnny Cash :) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-isEdSq7ECg

This blog is not important to read!

 However if you do want to, and if you find anything familiar with yourselves then I'm glad I'm not the only one having the same thoughts or feelings, may they be happy or sad :) If you don't like the blog, make sure you don't come back, I don't know what else I can say.

As you might notice I do get hyper and happy and I do get sad or rather thoughtful, I get caring and understanding, sensitive, emotional and I get arrogant and insensitive, cold and locked in myself, that's because I am in a way made of extremes which come out depending on how people inspire me. On the whole, I do believe that goodness, love, friendship and all the nice things will prevail.

 As opposed to many bloggers, I will not try hard to be funny or in need of flattering, I simply am and I simply think and write, that's ALL. I hate forcing things. 

Sounds like deep thoughts, but no worries, I love having fun and hovering around the superficial layer of contemplation, which means - just having fun ;) 

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I guess you'd need to read between the lines to get a deeper understanding of all this... circus :D 

P.S. Oh I prefer English, but some articles might be published in Serbian ;) 

P.S.S. Music will be inevitable part of my journal, for sure.